Simply Put

Just landed after a red-eye from Dallas. Some things to share later, but I have to tell you first: I had been reading Elie Wiesel's Night on the plane, a gift from my brother's new girlfriend (along with a Star Wars pop-up book—oh, she's good). I set it down so that I could take a nap. I dreamed that I picked up the book, turned it over, and read the author's bio/blurb. Where it ought to have listed his amazing accomplishments or enumerated his many published works, the text simply read: Elie Wiesel: "I'm kind of a big deal."

But he is! Don't look at me like that!

Suggested Songs for an Iraqi Fakebook

Bedouin the Beguine
I Want To Hold Your Land
I Can't Get No Saudis' Faction
This Scud Be the Start of Something New
Oman the Range
Papa's Got a Brand New Baghdad
Sheik to Sheik
I've Grown Accustomed to Her Fez
It's a Sin To Tel Aviv
These Fuelish Things

Hilarifying

I frankly don't possess the emotional resources to handle this sort of artifact before noon. In fact, I might not have the emotional template to process this feeling. I . . . I-I think it's called . . . hilarifying:

America’s future has become an Orwellian nightmare of ultra-liberalism. Beginning with the Gore Presidency, the government has become increasingly dominated by liberal extremists. In 2004, Muslim terrorists stopped viewing the weakened American government as a threat; instead they set their sites on their true enemies, vocal American conservatives. On one dark day, in 2006, many conservative voices went forever silent at the hands of terrorist assassins. Those which survived joined forces and formed a powerful covert conservative organization called “The Freedom of Information League,” aka F.O.I.L. The F.O.I.L. Organization is forced underground by the “Coulter Laws” of 2007; these hate speech legislations have made right-wing talk shows, and conservative-slanted media, illegal. . . . Rupert Murdoch’s decision to defy the “Coulter Laws” hate speech legislations, has bankrupted News Corporation. George Soros has bought all of News Corps assets and changed its name to Liberty International Broadcasting. LIB’s networks have flourished and circle the globe with a series of satellites beaming liberal & U.N. propaganda worldwide. The New York City faction of F.O.I.L. is lead by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North, each uniquely endowed with special abilities devised by a bio mechanical engineer affectionately nicknamed “Oscar.” F.O.I.L. is soon to be joined by a young man named Reagan McGee.

I shit you not.

See a few pages here. Just a few points while I continue the war against losing my breakfast:

• It's only a small-press publication. It's only a small-press publication.
  
• Of course, if you ask anyone listening to the AM dial right now, he will tell you that the state is heading directly toward this "Orwellian" nightmare. I'll be a very happy (old) man the day that this generational martyr complex has passed.
  
• Can we talk about "Orwellian"? Does that mean "dystopian by any other means than nuclear apocalypse"? That word has long since lost its usefulness.
  
• No Hitlery Clinton? We're dealing with amateurs.
  
• Starring Sean Hannity? We're dealing with douchebags.
  
• It's only a small-press publication.
  
• Maybe this comic shouldn't be so surprising—after all, a strong South Park–conservative current runs through the comic book universe, from the very conservative mass cult hit Cerebus to the Rudy Giulianism of the commercial mainstream (e.g., Spawn) to the gritty GWOT themes of realist comics (e.g., Avengers Unlimited, The Authority). Feminism has no real presence in comic books outside the rare asylum offered by the likes of Grant Morrison [ed. (twice) for clarity]; I can't imagine "liberalism" is much more popular among comic writers. (Which is not to say that what we need is more comics about universal healthcare.)
  
• I believe that's the first political appropriation I've seen of Libeskind's design.
  
• Fair enough—we'll take Batman.

You also want to know this item:

Reagan was born on September 11th, 2001. He is the son of a NYC firefighter whose life was spared by attending his son’s birth. Reagan has grown to manhood in an ultra-liberal educational system: being told, not asked, what to think. With personal determination, which alienates him from his contemporaries, he has chosen the path less traveled . . . the path to the Right."

An allegory! A clever effort to undermine the tenure and peer-review system upon which the nation's university system was built. We've been F.O.I.L.ed again!

UPDATE: Do we all appreciate the clever superimposition of the UN logo over "Ali" in the book's title? Superb.