The Plague

I've been reading about it now for weeks, and finally saw evidence today of the imminent infestation headed our direction. Beady-eyed and pale-to-translucent, a plague of pests will descend upon the area for a short time, devour the region's resources, and disappear. This morning I believe I saw the first of these creatures, a harbinger of the swarm to come.

I'm writing, of course, about interns. The notorious intern season can be a difficult time for DC residents who have not carefully prepared themselves for the arrival of the interns. We all know what interns look like, but for those of you about to experience your first intern season, did you know?:

• Interns have a short lifespan ("internships"), generally lasting through the summer only. They may spend more than 20 years as larvae and pupae ("prep-school kids"; "undergrads") before emerging as interns!
  
• Interns are exceedingly social, and will devote the entirety of their short internships in the pursuit of two instinctual drives: "networking" and "fucking." Female interns will occasionally seek out prominent members of the indigenous population ("Senators") but generally speaking, breeding is closed and regulated by male intern behavior ("frat-boy mentality")!
  
• Though spread throughout the DC metroplex, interns prefer a warm, financially elite climate, and will over the course of the infestation invariably cluster in Georgetown!
  
• Female interns can be identified by their Burberry exoskeletons. Male interns produce an unpleasant, musky odor. Though different in appearance, both male and female interns share distinctive features ("AmEx cards")!
  
• The evening chorus of the summer interns can be quite loud, reaching levels of up to 120 decibels. The intern chorus sounds something like "mo-ji-to"!